I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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