I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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