Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
