My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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