Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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