I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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