I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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