Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
