she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
