you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
two words: eviction party
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
