Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
