I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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