i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
