puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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