I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
