and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
