I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Let's get the cat blown out
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
