i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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