and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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