All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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