do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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