I showed him my bush... on skype.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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