I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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