You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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