i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
