Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
