first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
