I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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