forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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