using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
