TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And then he peed in my hair
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