his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize