cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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