Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
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