I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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