How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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