is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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