I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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