clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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