He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
