i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
