So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
