Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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