i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
