Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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