I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
