so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Green mimosas i think yes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
