i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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