he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
