look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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