my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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