Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
