Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
