As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
