did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
