You made me cry and you don't even care
This is not my ceiling
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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