If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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