I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Shame - the story of my life.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
