I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
