yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
