i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
