Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
