he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
