Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
