It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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