I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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