allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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