that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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