I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
