i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
