the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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