ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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