if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
