oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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