remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
