You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
