That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
NoShamevember. You game?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
