so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
