I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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