i jhust puked up my retainher.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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