Jerry, you need to find god
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
