Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
