Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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