Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize