Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
