That's when you crack a 10am beer
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
