so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
