did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
