I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize