Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
