Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize