Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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