bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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