Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
