Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize