We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
