Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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