hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
