you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
