The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
