Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
