Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
