Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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