Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm always down for nudity.
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