ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
