I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
