he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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