I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
