ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
